I am My Own.
[last of the blog consolidation...]
September 9, 2008
Every so often something happens to make me remember that I am nothing more than Myself. No one is in charge of me, I report to no one.
As Mom used to say, "You are only accountable to Yourself."
It's such an easy thing to forget - in fact, most people never knew it in the first place. And a tremendous number of people honestly believe that they do know it, and the do live it, but in fact they are nowhere close.
Yesterday we had a pretty lousy call. A routine transfer to dialysis became an emergency in the blink of an eye. I found out this morning that the patient died six hours after we left her at the ER. There was nothing we could have done to change the outcome of the call, she would have died had we been there or not. But you cannot help but feel some sense of responsibility, some sadness, and wonder if there is anything that could have been done.
These types of calls (they're not all that unusual) affect me deeply...they create a time of introspection, remembrance, and reconnection with what is truly important. They typically fill me with something like Love - not mushy-gushy-cheezy love, but Love, with a capital "L".
I found myself doing web searches for Wicca, wondering if it was time to re-explore that part of myself, maybe actually dedicate to the system of belief. But it just isn't right. And as the years have passed, it grows stronger. Wicca is a beautiful religion, with many tenets and ideals that I have held for most of my life. But still, it has become an organized (to a degree) religion. It is full of dogma, politics, and drama.
I understand that most people out there need ritual. They need all those little chotchkes and thingies to represent what they believe in. They need physical items, from cloaks to pentacle-inscribed goblets to focus their energies on. I need some of those things, too. But for the vast majority, their belief is based on those THINGS. They can't practice without them. They need constant physical reminders of what they're supposed to do, be, think. It's no different from every other western religion out there.
It's all just a big crutch.
No, I'll continue to be solitary. I'll continue to grow and develop myself spiritually and physically. I don't need to report to anyone, call myself anything, give myself a label and therefore a limitation.
No, it's just between me, and, well, me.
September 9, 2008
Every so often something happens to make me remember that I am nothing more than Myself. No one is in charge of me, I report to no one.
As Mom used to say, "You are only accountable to Yourself."
It's such an easy thing to forget - in fact, most people never knew it in the first place. And a tremendous number of people honestly believe that they do know it, and the do live it, but in fact they are nowhere close.
Yesterday we had a pretty lousy call. A routine transfer to dialysis became an emergency in the blink of an eye. I found out this morning that the patient died six hours after we left her at the ER. There was nothing we could have done to change the outcome of the call, she would have died had we been there or not. But you cannot help but feel some sense of responsibility, some sadness, and wonder if there is anything that could have been done.
These types of calls (they're not all that unusual) affect me deeply...they create a time of introspection, remembrance, and reconnection with what is truly important. They typically fill me with something like Love - not mushy-gushy-cheezy love, but Love, with a capital "L".
I found myself doing web searches for Wicca, wondering if it was time to re-explore that part of myself, maybe actually dedicate to the system of belief. But it just isn't right. And as the years have passed, it grows stronger. Wicca is a beautiful religion, with many tenets and ideals that I have held for most of my life. But still, it has become an organized (to a degree) religion. It is full of dogma, politics, and drama.
I understand that most people out there need ritual. They need all those little chotchkes and thingies to represent what they believe in. They need physical items, from cloaks to pentacle-inscribed goblets to focus their energies on. I need some of those things, too. But for the vast majority, their belief is based on those THINGS. They can't practice without them. They need constant physical reminders of what they're supposed to do, be, think. It's no different from every other western religion out there.
It's all just a big crutch.
No, I'll continue to be solitary. I'll continue to grow and develop myself spiritually and physically. I don't need to report to anyone, call myself anything, give myself a label and therefore a limitation.
No, it's just between me, and, well, me.
posted by Mrs. Strange at 10:56 AM
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