I feel like shit.

Mom burned herself *really* badly opening a pressure cooker while it still had pressure in it. She's about 10% burned, with 4% at 2nd degree. The worst one is on her left thumb.

When I came home from work, it really didn't look that bad. I didn't think the hospital would be able to do anything for her.

But now I'm wondering if we totally made the wrong decision, especially considering her thumb. I've learned a lot over the last few days since it happened, and I'm kicking myself all over the place and back. I knew that hand burns were considered critical, but I had no idea, no idea at all that it was *that* bad.

I'm a lousy EMT.

But I'm learning - its just too bad that I had to learn on my mother.

Ugh.
Petunia

Rebellion

I have so much to say, so many things running through this screwed up brain...I have no idea where to begin, or even if I *should* begin in the first place.

1. The Crime of Modern America
I think I've found my cause, my reason. I used to think it had something to do with environmental activism, conservation, whatnot. While I still have an intense passion for that, and will continue to live my life with those ideals, my cause is Elder Care.

I've deleted three attempts at describing why I'm so moved by this. There's no way to relay what is going through my mind, the anger, no, the RAGE I've felt at the treatment of our elderly, at "nursing homes," assisted living and the like. At the number of patient's I've had who have no family, whose children never come to visit. At the loneliness, desolation, and neglect they are experiencing. I feel my face flushing, my heart racing as I think of it.

If you love your family, if you love your parents, NEVER allow them to go into a nursing home. Find a way to care for them at home. Learn about their illnesses and their needs. Avoid nursing homes at ALL COSTS. I don't care how pretty it is, I don't care how much your mom says that she won't mind (because she doesn't want to be a burden), that this is a "good nursing home." THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A *GOOD* NURSING HOME. If they go in, they most likely will never come out, and if they do, they won't be any better for it. Keep them home. Care for them as they cared for you. Love them.

There has to be a solution...there has to be a way out of this. I will do *anything.* Right now, that "anything" looks like medical school. If that's what I need to do, then so be it. I won't mind.

2. Bigotry/Racism/Prop. 8/Religious Extremism
Things I simply do not understand. Does. Not. Compute. Why do we (humans) need to hate? Why do we need something to feel superior to? YOU ARE NOT GOD. YOU ARE NOT THE JUDGE!

Again, my anger is so great these days that I can't even put it into words.

There's more, but my mind is dizzy.

Out of many, we are One.

He won. He actually won.

Thank god. Maybe we're not so awful after all.

Petunia